Spineless Reviews

Good luck, but no charm

The Dice Man, by Luke Rhinehart

£7.99, HarperCollins (1999)

Luke Rhinehart is not content. His job as a psychiatrist is driving him crazy, at odds with his newly discovered Zen Buddhism. His marriage is a neurotic, classically 1970s mess, in which he uses tenets of his half-cocked religion to manoeuver his wife, passive-aggressively, into a state of dialectic impotence. He loves and yet does not love his children; he relates to the aspects of his patients he is most honour-bound to treat; and, like any privileged white middle-class male, he wants out of the terribly mundanity of his life. And so he discovers the die, and eventually dice, which at first inject a little playful randomness into his routine. But as the variety proves addictive Rhinehart finds himself using the dice to make more and more of his decisions, as he forces sex, violence and erratic eccentricities on others, and homelessness, poverty and loneliness on himself. As the dice become the pivot around which his entire life revolves, he meets an old patient, as borderline as himself, and has a sudden flash of inspiration: now he can share with the rest of the world the guiding principles of the Dice Man, one person at a time.

In Rhinehart the character, Rhinehart the author (George Cockcroft, pseudonymously) has written the most bizarre literary creation ever to exist outside Gallowglass or Tom Ripley. Rhinehart is meant to be simultaneously both the everyman and his own subversion, by starting off as a confused, directionless therapy-mensch and ultimately transforming himself into a destiny-filled, fate-directed übermensch, as the dice take hold of his life and strip him of the socio-cultural norms that have held him prisoner for so long. In reality, and partly in the language of his profession, Rhinehart is more akin to the casual neurotic who achieves transference from dull but safe (and creatively and morally fecund) society to arbitrary, irrelevant (and thus terrifyingly dangerous) amoral edicts. These then tear apart his sense of self and belonging, while bolstering his conviction that those very methods provide the quickest, wildest, most exciting route to enlightenment. Rhinehart is gathering speed on a downward slope towards his own oblivion, swaddled in the convictions that every step along it is a step towards salvation.

What’s most surprising about The Dice Man is the banality with which its violence, arrogance and sheer wilful stupidity are presented. Rape and murder are treated as interesting experiments that Rhinehart the narrator conducts, rather than real, repugnant actions with real, reprehensible consequences, that cause real physical and mental damage to others. He hates women, other people, the simple everyday, and basic human relationships; he cannot deal with responsibility or any kind of repetition. Seeing himself as an iconoclast, he’s really an irritable, attention-deficient fool; seeing himself as some sort of model Zen pupil drifting on the ebb and flow of the world’s tide, he’s really an agent of profound and dangerous activity.

Ultimately, the Dice Man’s greatest hubris is that he has attempted to disguise all these quite wilful, intentional acts as consequences of a random, almost godlike agency that exists outside himself. But even the most fervent horoscope-follower or rune-caster has more simple empathy than the narrator, whose basic, psychopathic inability to comprehend the notion of other people’s existences leaves him free to follow whatever silly ideas can enter his head, however ultimately idiotic or empty. His childish attempts to wish away his own humanity shock in the same way as a child’s crimes shock, and should be treated accordingly. Compared to the psychological investigations of Kundera or Cockcroft’s fellow travellers Pirsig and Kesey, this is the giggling, random swearing of the primary school.

posted at: 14:26 | path: / r / rhinehart_luke | permanent link to this entry

The kitsching of the prevalent

The Pedant in the Kitchen, by Julian Barnes

£7.99, Atlantic (2004)

Cookery columns are cool. Just ask Alex Kapranos of art-indie band Franz Ferdinand, who wrote a number of articles for the Guardian about what he ate while touring. Fellow reluctant Guardian foodie (and much more besides) Julian Barnes wrote a series of similar pieces, with the theme of how the reluctant, easily confused newcomer deals with existing books on cookery, the specifics of ingredients and utensils, and the general hilarity which a fool and a pan can invoke. The resulting collection, novella-length, is gently and rather casually written, like the writings of James Fenton (another Guardianista) who Barnes cites. There are quasi-subversive references to the Big Mac and the Martha Stewart, and the now obligatory debunking of the myth of Mrs Beeton. Generally, though, Barnes’ confusion and wide-eyed amateurish fear is almost entirely sympathetic, and really quite funny. The book has a warm humour and an unthreatening charm that makes you wonder just how far Barnes has moved from the axis of Amis and Swift he once happily and edgily sat upon.

An illuminating if unexpected companion piece to The Pedant would probably be one of Jeremy Clarkson’s recent bound diatribes. Both authors have a unique tone and a recalcitrant fanbase who are more than happy to read anything written in the genre. Both authors write as prisoners of powerful, ubiquitous systems, the political views of which are anathema to the writers themselves: Clarkson sees wet liberals everywhere in society, restricting the freedoms of honest white male car-owning well-off folk; Barnes’ kitchen library is full of passive-aggressive authoritarian Tories, keen to maintain a Victorian culinary status quo and refusing to provide him with information precise enough to liberate him from the bondage of novicehood. Both then proceed to rail against these systems: Clarkson in his witless, anti-intellectual “common-sense” bombast, Barnes in an overanalytical, weedy, self-undermining whine.

And both, ultimately, are unwilling to resort to any action that might bring about the revolutions for which they seem to be longing. Both are happy to complain, berate, hold up for mockery and generally work themselves into emotional froths, so long as it gains them the audiences they crave. Their personal bêtes noires are also their vaches de cash, and to actually slay them would be financial and—if you like—artistic folly. Instead, they happily perpetuate the systems with which they have vitriolic, dysfunctional but ultimately lucrative relationships. Still, that’s life. Or, more pedantically, that’s entertainment.

posted at: 14:16 | path: / b / ba-be / barnes_julian | permanent link to this entry

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