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Thanks for the feedback! I'm afraid that, over a year after I wrote the original post, I couldn't tell you how to get an exhaustive list of the properties, let alone documentation on how to manipulate them. I wasn't kidding when I called it:

 the most minimally tutorialized programming language you're likely to encounter....

But if you do come up with any solutions yourself, please do either add them as a comment or link to your own blogpost, as I dare say it will come in handy in the future.